Though it was a very sunny day as it is the case always in Sri Lanka but not for me. Because I was in a very dark place.
I had given so much meaning to the relationship. I felt as if my heart was squeezed and even found myself hard to breathe. I thought I was never gonna make it and I had to collect my pieces together.
I was shattered into pieces. Sigh..
I went on a quest to find meaning in life.What’s going on in here? Why am I here? What's the purpose of my life? I started reading books and listening to many gurus. I started meditating and read anything to do with spirituality.
And since I grew up in a Buddhist environment I've heard so much on Enlightenment. I got really curious about it. But I felt it was something for a few chosen ones.
Well I started doing so much inner work on myself I had many insights and realizations but I never felt satisfied with those. Because I felt there is something more to it than that.
I was quite frustrated with the work and started even questioning whether Enlightenment even exists? Because my answers were left unanswered.
Sometimes I open up my eyes in the middle of a meditation with deep despair. I honestly didnt know what I was doing? I felt alone as I didn't have anyone whom I could relate with. Because I was quite intense on my seeking.
When you are so obsessed with this work it is so natural that people call you weird. But I kept on going. Because I felt weird not to ask these existential questions for some reason. Such as who am I? What's going on here? I question everything, even so-called obvious things in life.
I met an enlightened master where everything changed for me. He was giving me very deep answers and I started working with him one on one.
When I was in a deep not knowing about life I went through a powerful awakening where I felt I was woken up from a very very long sleep. (Integral life course-wake up experience)
OMG !!!
For the first time I realized what's really going on. We are hallucinating the whole time. We are living in a dream which was created by our own mind. Just like in the movie Matrix.
But here the Matrix is your mind. Everything we see, hear, feel, smell, touch is a construct of our own mind. Wow I was in tears and speechless.
I realized nothing ever happened, nothing ever happening and nothing will ever happen. It was just a dream just like we have at night. Oh my goodness.
In Hinduism it says "Life is a Maya" which is to say life is an illusion. Also Buddha has shared about nothingness. For the first time I got what they were talking about. Every enlightened being is talking about this universal truth.
At that time I was one with everything and everyone. I felt enormous compassion towards others as I saw others as nothing but myself.
At last, I received my answers and found my liberation. That was quite a ride.
Iam writing this to inspire others to find their true nature. To tell others if I can do it you can do it too. If you find this story resonates with you please don't hesitate to reach out to me and I would love to support you on your spiritual path.